


"I've got a hostage; can I get Phil?"

by the_toadlet



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Hostage Situations, M/M, Phil's a hostage negotiator, dan takes hostages, eventual smut(by request), i mean i'm shit at smut so who knoooowwws how that'll work, it's looooove, nvm the smut is complete crack, slow as fuck burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:10:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_toadlet/pseuds/the_toadlet
Summary: Dan takes hostages.Phil gets them back.Dan's a sassy little shit and always asks for Phil.Phil always comes(the last time, they sent Anderson, and Dan refused to give up the poor hostage)Dan falls in love with those blue eyesPhil falls in love with the golden-souled boy who cares for everyone.





	1. Chapter 1

“ Hay, hay, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” Dan rubbed circles into the woman's back, trying desperately to calm her violent sobbing. When he took her as a hostage, he hadn’t imagined she be so  _ cry _ -y. What a pain, sobby hostages always required therapy and he didn’t want to pay for that(he would, though. Always did, it went with the job). “Shhh. It’ll be okay, Phil’s gonna pick you up soon. Then you’ll go home, and then you can do whatever you want. I’m sure he’ll put you through witness protection, too, if you want. I won’t be able to find you.” The poor lady stopped crying, by her full body shakes still remained.

 

“ Why  _ me _ ? I’m just a secretary.. “

 

“ Because you looked like you needed a bit of excitement in your life.” The woman gasped, and Dan mentally smacked himself. “ No, that’s not what I meant, give me a second to explain. This entire situation is getting complicated. Um, so, I negotiate with this really cute hostage negotiator, and I usually try to take, I don’t consider them  _ hostages,  _ per say, but either way I chose the people I take for an adventure with care. So, like, now you have a fantastic story for your grandkids. Did that help?” The shakes calmed, a little, but the lady nodded hesitantly. “ I really am sorry. But, yeah, there’s a lot of shit going down right now, and if I could do this a different way, I would.”

 

“ What do you mean, a lot of ‘shit going down’?”

 

“ Well, my dad’s in the hospital and I’m the only person who supposedly has a steady income so I have to pay for the medical bills, and then I have to pay for my apartment, and my ex-wife keeps leeching off my money because she keeps spending all of it on makeup. And I happen to be broke as hell and working three jobs just to pay for my own food, and I have honestly tried to find other ways to pay for all of it.”

 

“ I’m sorry.”

 

“ No, no, don’t be! If it makes you feel any better, I’m getting some eight hundred thousand for you. You’re pretty important.” Dan smiled slightly, and stood to his full six-foot-five. He pulled out a little flip phone and dialed a number from memory. “ Hi, this is Dan, and I’ve got a hostage. Can I get Phil?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aayyyee i'm still here and i've got a new thingggg(and another in the works woo hoo hoo)
> 
> i actually kinda love this idea and as it were i need to write more so I'm not gonna bribe WBH into writing it


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's mostly dialogue but merry christmas have another today(you're welcome WBH) idk i don't really love this chapter it's kinda stiff and forced

Dan whistled a light tune through his teeth. Mary(as he found out was her name) was behind him, artfully tied with a thin parachute cord. He had asked, and it had an easy release, but it looked really pretty and very intricate. Almost like roses. The only good thing about this whole kidnapping business was the skills he developed with rope, and he really had gotten quite good at it. Now it was mostly for showing off that he could tie an intricate knot. 

 

“ Dan, I’m really hoping you haven’t hurt her.”

 

“ Of course I haven’t, you spork. I never do, you know that.”

 

“ There was that one time..”

 

“ Phil, I swear to god he took my knife and tried to cut his wrist off. I had no idea he had that much psychological trouble. If I knew, I wouldn’t’ve taken him.

 

“ That’s what you always say.” Dan pouted at the hostage negotiator.

 

“ Aren’t I trustworthy?” Phil cracked a grin.

 

“ Not really, but sure.” Dan smiled, glad to be back in their normal rhythm. He waved Mary forward, gently pulling the bonds off her arms and apologizing again. She just shook her head and let her lips curve up slightly.

 

“ Bye Dan, hope you figure out your things.”

 

“ You too, Mary, and if you ever need me to kidnap your boyfriend for a few hours…” Mary chuckled.

 

“ I’ll keep that in mind. So, you must be the elusive Phil.”

 

“ That’ll be me.” Phil grinned and held up his hand to wiggle his fingers slightly. “ Did Dan treat you alright?”

 

“ I mean, I haven’t been kidnapped often, but I’d have to give him four stars. His menu was kinda lacking.” Mary winked, Dan scoffed, and Phil smiled. 

 

“ Good to know, I’ll write that on the official roster. Dan needs to improve his menu options.” Dan rolled his eyes.

 

“ Oh, great. Phil, I’m really hoping you didn’t just have me hand over this nice lady for nothing, that would be an insult to her worth.” Phil sighed, but handed Dan a simple black bag. 

 

“ Eight hundred thousand. Just like you asked.” Dan took it, shooting an apologetic glance at Phil through his masquerade mask. 

 

“ Thank you, Phil. Say, I know a really nice restaurant down the street…” 

 

“ Pfft. I don’t think the government would appreciate me taking lunch with you, sorry.”

 

“ Aw, always worth a shot. Bye Mary.” Mary waved as Phil led her back across the wide field Dan had them meet on.

 

“ Bye Dan.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop woop chapter three is short and the next one is one of my favourites
> 
>  
> 
> (sorry)

Phil surprised himself by wanted Dan to take another hostage.

 

He didn’t want Dan to put another person through that, even if Dan did a good job of not traumatizing the poor people(and he never took kids, which Phil was oddly proud of Dan for doing).

 

No, Phil surprised himself because he wanted to take Dan up on his usual offer of lunch. Or dinner. Or midnight snack, from one memorable time.

 

Phil had a fucking crush on his prime hostage taker. Goddammit.

 

The cute sassy boy, who took care of his hostages and paid for their therapy(of course Phil noticed the anonymous paying for the people who Dan accidentally traumatized, it was blindingly obvious if you were looking), the little brown haired boy who wore an antique masquerade mask to hide his face, the boy who apologized to everyone involved. Dan.

 

And goddammit, Phil looked, and he found James Daniel Howell. Went by Dan, and fit the description of Phil’s hostage negotiator perfectly.

 

And Phil did a little bit more digging, and it turned out Dan was swimming in debt from medical bills and an ex-wife named Samantha, working up to five jobs at a time, and all the while taking care of his neighbours cats(they were rarely in town). 

  
So Phil didn’t report him. He wanted to help this man, this beautiful man, with keeping his entire family afloat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was received really well and i'm definitively not grinning like an idiot because holy shit you're all amazing 
> 
>  
> 
> and this is my favourite chapter i love it

Dan groaned.

 

Fuck the bills.

 

Fuck his dad.

 

And, most of all, fuck Samantha.

 

He needed to see Phil again.

 

And that meant another hostage.

 

Je-sus. 

 

That mean Dan needed to go people watching, then people stalking, and then actually taking them, and then keeping them sane and happy(ish).

 

It was going to be a long night.

 

“ Hi, this is James, I’ve gotta call in sick. Yeah, um, my cat needs to go to the vet, it’s shitting blood. Sorry. Oh, um, I, that’s…” Dan put down the phone slowly after the line went dead. 

 

Whelp, there goes one innocent source of income.

 

He tried the next, and the next, managing to get off with a warning on one and an exasperated ‘dammit James, again? on the other.

 

Dan sighed when he finished, knowing at least one of them was going to fire him the next time he pulled this kind of stunt. Oh well, he could look for more jobs after this.

 

His mask went into the backpack he always took, and then a plain grey hoodie went over his Muse shirt, and Dan tried not to be too annoyed at himself when he slipped his grandmum’s old lighter in his pocket. It was sentimental, but easily traceable.

 

But the time he forced himself to not slip the tarnished silver box into his pocket, he forgot to ask for Phil(it was  _ implied _ ) and they sent some prick with an attitude problem out. Then Dan became a stubborn ass, refused to give up the poor man, and then they had to bring in Phil(who was trying not to laugh that Dan refused to talk to Anderson at all) and get him to talk with Dan, so Dan put his little good luck charm in his pocket.

 

And really hoped he wouldn’t get caught. Good lord. That would be bad, even as good as he had been being about his hostages.

 

Dan shut the door to his shabby apartment, turning the lock and jogging down the stairs. He had to scout out someone who wouldn’t react to the stress, so he’d have to watch and make sure they didn’t take any drugs in an obvious matter. Then he’d follow them a bit, make sure he didn’t get someone who would get a panic attack when he picked them up off the street, and then go into stalker mode. Find out about their family for a day or so, if they had any, their personal habits, try and keep from getting one who’d need therapy. He was really never sure about that, but he tried. He was usually good at picking people who didn’t break down and either scream that they were going to die and tried to run away from him, usually to end up hitting a wall or something instead or completely shut down, but he’d only had a few of those. Thank god, they were the worst, they would usually just sit on the floor and curl into a ball and shake.

 

He tried to help them, he really did, but usually when that happened he would forsake the money for the person. It was usually him calling for Phil and someone to help, no need for money, this was a mistake, they’re having a breakdown and need to go to a hospital now, here’s where they are, yeah I’m with them;who do you think I am, Phil? And then Phil rushing to the scene and helping Dan lift the poor person onto the stretcher and wheel them back to the ambulance.

 

Let it never be said Dan was a bad person.

 

He was a good person, resorting to bad things to go forward and care for more people.

 

(Even if he didn’t like his dad all that much, he’d still pay for his hospital bills.)

 

Dan stepped out into the street in front of his shabby apartment block, letting his eyes rove over the scant crowds. Thesun shone over the edge of the buildings across from him. It was still fairly early in the morning, the sun drying the mist settled around him.

 

Time to find a hostage.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look OTHER YOUTUBERS MAKE APPEARANCES yay
> 
> and becky shows up yay

Phil was just about to go home when one of the interns screeched after him, panting and trying to wave Phil down.

 

“ Um, are you,” The intern wheezed, much to Phil’s alarm. “ Are you Mr. Lester? We got a call asking for Phil, and my supervisor said that was-”

 

“ Yeah, that’s me. Someone named Dan?”

 

“ Yeah. Here’s the transcript, if you want it.” Phil took the paper from the still out of breath kid. 

 

“ Sure, thanks.” Phil glanced down at it and groaned. Who the fuck was taking Dan’s calls?

 

<Start Call> _ ‘This is Dan. I need help. Get me Phil.’ _

 

_ ‘I’m sorry sir, but we don’t have a Dan in out data records..’ _

 

_ ‘Whoever the fuck you are, get Phil Lester on the line. The one I’ve got is freaking out, I think they need medical help.’ _

 

_ ‘That sounds like a call for emergency services, not the government. Have a nice day.’< _ End Call>

 

“ Okay, whatever your name is, do you know who took this call?”

 

“ My name’s Miles, and I think it was Becky in accounting.”

 

“ Who let an accountant take a call from Dan?”

 

“ Well, sir, she’s been let go, and then my supervisor sent me to find you..”

 

“ Has Dan called back?”

 

“ He’s on the phone now.” Phil wanted so badly to whack this newb upside the head. They should have said that  _ first _ . 

 

“ Which line?” 

  
“ Um, the one in Felix’s office, I think?” Phil sighed and took off at a dead run towards his bosses office. Dan’s hostage was in trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan gets even worse at criminaling(don't worry it leads up to other thing and he was 'off his game' or some excuse shh i'm tired)
> 
> also guest Jack appearence woop woop

Dan nearly screamed. His hostage was having a panic attack, and so far all Dan had been able to do was get anything that could potentially be used as something to inflict self harm out of the way and be told off by a nasty woman named _Becky._ Lovely start to a hostage negotiation. 

 

So he called back, very angrily, and told ‘Felix’, in no uncertain terms, that he needed Phil and he needed him now.

 

It only took like twenty minutes to get Phil on the line, and by then the hostage had secluded themselves in a corner and was sobbing.

 

“ Phil, ya shit, he’s having a major panic attack and I need an ambulance here. Where have you been?” In a distant part of his brain, Dan realised how much of a petty housewife he sounded like, but he mostly wanted this hostage to be okay. 

 

“ Sorry, end of workday and I was half out the door.”

 

“ Just get me an ambulance and a strong cup of coffee, good lord.”

 

“ Where are you?”

 

“ The wharf, where else.”

 

“ Okay, I’m on my way.” Dan snapped the phone shut and turned to see if his hostage was okay.

 

Well shit.

 

Dan pulled out the flip phone again.

 

“ What?”

 

“ I lost the hostage.”

 

“ You..  _ What?”  _

 

“ Phil, I promise you I didn’t mean to, but he’s gone.”

 

“ Oh my god. Can I have a description, then?”

 

“ Short, maybe mid-twenties, male, green hair and an irish accent.”

 

“ You lost a green haired irishman.”

 

“ Shut up and help me find him, I don’t want him getting hurt.” 

 

“ Okay, okay, but seriously?”

 

“ Shush.” Dan smirked at the snort from the other end of the line before it went dead.

  
Yay for fuckups, much?


	7. Chapter 7

Phil got to the wharf before the ambulance. Dan had his mask on, as always, and was peering over the edge of the dock. 

 

“ Oh, Phil, awesome. You need to help me find this dude, I’m really hoping he didn’t take a dunk.”

 

“ Same. When was the last you saw him?”

 

“ When I was calling you, in that,” Dan waved around behind him, still  pacing the edge of the wharf in case a head of neon green hair decided to make an appearance. “Warehouse. I don’t like using that one, actually, it’s too cold and stereotypically too evil lair-y.”

 

“ Evil lair-y?”

 

“ Yeah.” Dan missed the smile in Phil’s voice, and Phil let his teasing soften into adoration for this kid who just wanted everyone to be okay.

 

“ Okay, do you want to show me this evil lair of yours? We can find the most plausible way for him to escape.” Dan nodded and glanced up from the stormy water, locking eyes with Phil.

 

Good lord, those eyes were stunning.

 

Phil smiled and gestured for Dan to lead, not quite getting where the backwards flailing was pointing to. 

 

Dan shook himself slightly. Trying not to fall over his gigantic feet, he strutted off to the slightly musty building.

 

Strutted. Definitely didn’t stumble twice on the uneven wooden boards.

 

Phil thought he was adorable.

 

They would find this green haired dude, whether he wanted to be found or not.

  
Definitely the best team on the job.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is slowly becoming one of my best fics holy shit thank you i love all of you
> 
> also if you have requests for things to happen, tell meeee i have a few major plot points but after that it's pretty empty

Dan was surprised at how easily the bants flowed between them, but in hindsight, he really shouldn’t have been. They had similar tastes, Phil found it hilarious Dan always asked for him, and Phil was also really curious about Dan’s mask.

 

“ Did you make it?”

 

“ Good lord, I’m not that crafty. I’d end up crying over scraps of melting plastic.”

 

“ Don’t cry, craft!”

 

“ What the fuck, Phil.” Dan looked so confused, even with the mask covering half his face. Phil snorted.

 

“ Don’t cry, craft. It makes sense.”

 

“ Sure, Phil.” Dan smirked. “ This is where he was, this is where I was, and these are all of the exits he could have gone out.” Dan walked over to the wall, and making sure Phil was watching, kicked it. A human sized chunk flopped with a crash to the outside, and Phil groaned. 

 

“ I see why you were looking by the  water, now.” The chunk of wall was a few inches off the edge of the wooden planking, dark water lapping at the crusty wood and metal.

 

“ Yeah. I don’t think he was stupid, though, so he might have run, like, over there or something.” Dan pointed to the left of the hole, and Phil nodded.

 

“ Do you want to split up?”

 

“ And look for clues, Fred? Sure. I’ll go that way, you go that way?” Phil snorted.

 

“ Sounds good.” Phil slid under the low hanging wall and strode off in the direction Dan pointed at. Dan (gracefully) clambered out from under the wall and started to see if he could find the poor man. He hoped Phil found him, actually. The poor man would be traumatized.

 

Phil pulled out his phone when the sun started to set, turning the flashlight on and continuing to look. The ambulance came and went, called away by an immediate emergency somewhere. No help there, then, it was just him and Dan.

 

Why did that make Phil smile? Just him and Dan? Nothing special about that.

 

Fuck, Phil was over his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next On Hostages; Excitement, Sex, and Mystery(and anderson being an idiot, as always).
> 
>  
> 
> for all of you out there(josh i see you you asexual gay little shit) who don't like smut, i'll add a warning.
> 
> and i mean that's in the next few chapters this is just exposition

Dan eventually found the poor dude, hiding behind a pile of half-rotted wood. He was still shivering, and Dan couldn’t get the man's attention.

 

“ Sir? Hey, are you okay?” No response. Dan gently nudged the mans shoulder. Still nothing. Dan sighed and assessed how much weight the dude could be, before hefting the smaller man over his shoulder. “ Phil! Phil, I found him!” Without thinking about it, Dan fumbled to pull the remarkably stuffy mask off.

 

Phil very faintly heard Dan’s shouts, turning to try and find him. It was getting light out, and Phil needed sleep after over eighteen hours on his feet.

 

“ Dan? Where are you?”

 

“ Over here.” Dan’s voice was a lot closer, and it sounded strained. “ He’s not responding, so I’m carrying him. I think he really needs help now.” The light was growing brighter. Phil could see the outline of Dan with a protrusion over his shoulder. 

 

“ Okay, if you want I can..” Phil trailed off. Dan didn’t have his mask on, and Phil shouldn’t have been so surprised at how pretty he was. 

 

“ What? Is there something on my- oh.” Dan blinked. “ Right. Do you want to take him so I can put my mask on?” Dan’s humor was forced.

 

Phil reached out to take the man while Dan shuffled around in his bag to pull out the masqurade mask. Poor kid had been through a fuck tonne of shit today.

 

“ Dan, I think we should take him to the hospital now. I have a car, but if you don’t want to come with me…” 

 

“ No, I want to make sure he’s okay.”

 

“ Okay. It’s over this way. Do you think he should be in the front or the back?”

 

“ One of us should be in the back with him.” 

 

“ Yeah.” Phil put the dude down for a second, to get in an easier position to pick him up. 

 

Phil really didn’t want to turn Dan in. He would wait, it would be fiiiiine…

  
Phil really hoped it would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god thank you all for commenting i'm not even kidding when i say it gives me a rush when i see the notification and it's the best thing ever i love all of you <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm probably going to have to slow my posting shedule, because i'm behind on chapters and the next one should be a doozy(and i have another thing i have to write as well, be prepared for that)
> 
> this chapter did not want to end before this point, good grief
> 
> so you're welcome for a slightly longer chapter

They got to the hospital in due time, Dan trying to snap the man out of it(and failing) and Phil driving. The conversation was limited, if only because their attentions were on on, respectively, the (now unconscious) man and the darkened road.

 

“ So… Phil.. when did you start, um, bargaining with hostage takers?” Dan’s voice pitched at the end, as if realising how stupid of a topic that must seem.

 

“ I started the job when you took, what was his name, Mark? The one with red hair.”

 

“ Really?”

 

“ First hostage negotiated, yes.” Phil pumped his fist. The dork.

 

“ Have you negotiated with people who  _ weren’t  _ me?” Dan nearly missed the jealous tone under his words. Hold on, when did he become sure that Phil was exclusive?

 

“ Nope. You happen too often for me to really go off and deal with other people. Usually they send Anderson.” Phil grinned.

 

“  _ Anderson? _ ” Dan sounded absolutely repulsed by the name.

 

“ Yeah, he’s actually pretty good at dealing with people. But I think he’s more used to, shall we say batty people? I didn’t get a report, what did he do, anyway?”

 

“ He kept saying it was all going to be alright, that I was safe, and when I told him that I was perfectly fine, thanks, he called me a freak.”

 

“ Of course he did, the idiot.” Dan snorted.

 

“ He is an idiot, isn’t he?”

 

“ A little bit, yeah. He doesn’t like how we run the system, he keeps trying to change it so we shoot the kidnappers on sight.”

 

“ Um, please don’t?” 

 

“ He’s not doing very well.” Phil smiled in the mirror to his passenger in the back. Dan had slipped his mask off again, presumably because it was getting warm. Dan winked and slipped the ornate mask into his black backpack.

 

“ Oh? Not got enough support?”

 

“ Not got any support, really.” Dan laughed, but it was cut off by his own grunt of pain and a shriek from the (now very awake and very angry) irishman. Phil rapidly slid the car to the side of the road, turning to see Dan trying to hold the man back and already sluggishly bleeding scratches covering his face and neck.

 

“ Sir! I’m not going to hurt you, I swear! Phil, help?” Phil scrambled out of the car to try and pull the man out of the backseat.

 

“ Sir, it’s going to be alright. I’m here to help you. My name is Phil, I’m a hostage negotiator. I work for the government. I’m here to get you to a hospital.” The man slowly quieted, but he was still panting and his pupils were blown. “ You’re in a state of shock. Do you think you can get back in the car so we can finish the drive to St. Jermard’s hospital?” 

 

“ Get that… criminal, out of the car before I think about it. He kidnapped me.” The accusing irish accent was slightly adorable, but Phil made Dan get out of the car. 

 

“ Can he ride in the front, or do you want to ride in the front and he rides in the back? He’s going to the hospital with us anyway, Mr…”

 

“ Sean. My name is Sean. Did you not hear me saying he kidnapped me?”

 

“ I know, I heard, but when you went into a panic he immediately called me and tried to find you.” Sean started to struggle in Phil’s arms, but Phil was taller and managed to lift the small man off the ground. “You’re going to be alright, calm down. I can blindfold him, if it makes you more comfortable?”

 

“ Fine. I’d feel safer, you  _ government  _ man, if you chained his hands. Good lord, what’re they teachen you nowadays?” Phil smiled lightly and set the man back down on the gravel.

 

“ Dan, I’m going to need your hands…” Phil trailed off when Dan shoved his wrists forward. Oh, fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck Phil was doomed. Goddammit, Phil knew he was a top, but  _ wow.  _ That was. Oh shit. Phil clumsily snapped the cuffs on Dan’s wrists, avoiding looking at what he was sure was a smirk on Dan’s face. 

 

Phil turned to look at the Sean, letting him inspect the handcuffs and make sure Dan wouldn’t kidnap him again. The green haired man eventually nodded and let Dan get into the car(with Phil’s help). 

 

Dan ended up riding in the back, and Sean in the front with Phil. The hospital was a short drive, made shorter by Phil edging along the legal bounds of the speed limit to get Dan, who was still bleeding, and Sean, who was silent save for his quick breathing, to the St. Jermard. 

 

It was to be said that Anderson wasn’t usually so bitter of a person, but he had a very long day. He was sent to go and get a gay couple back from some psychopathic kidnapper, and then when he tried to get both of them to go to a psych eval after the whole ordeal, the taller one pushed him down the stairs. 

 

So when Phil bust in with two men on his tail, one rubbing his wrists and bleeding slightly and the other shaking, he wasn’t to blame(entirely) for his snarky attitude.

 

He was, though, to blame, when he saw Dan.

  
“  _ He’s a wanted criminal, catch him!”  _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, it's a shorter chapter because i wanted to get it up today. I'm officially slowing my posting schedule, because people've requested longer chapters and i've gotta write them
> 
>  
> 
> also plot developmenttttt dun dun duuuuunnnn

The hospital security stood next to Phil while the staff tended to the surprisingly deep scratches Sean left along Dan’s face and neck. They had questioned Phil, and he had sent a resigned look at Dan before telling the authority about the whole ordeal. Anderson just stood, holding his shattered arm and glaring daggers at Dan. Dan really didn’t give a fuck what that prick thought of him.

 

After all, he had some twenty odd years of prison in front of him after this. How exciting. Dan didn’t end up with stitches, but some of the deeper scratches might scar. How the  _ hell  _ would he explain this to his mum? She still thought he had a high-paying job. 

 

Oh god, and Samantha was going to just be absolutely mortified.

 

Wait, that wasn’t a bad thing. The bad thing was she was going to visit him to gloat, that she always said that without her he was going to fail.

 

She was bloody right.

 

Dan was numb to the security escorting him to the black and white car waiting outside, sending one final glance at Phil. Sean didn’t seem to care, but Phil…

 

Phil looked sad.

 

The drive to the police station, where Dan would stay the night, was spent in silence. The two coppers in the front chatted merrily, and Dan stared out the window at the passing houses and cars. 

 

“ Okay, Mr. Howell, you’re going in this cell here.” Dan didn’t respond, just let himself be dragged into the cramped space. The door made an awful clanging sound as Dan was locked in.

 

Just like the doors clanging shut on the rest of his life.

  
What would his mother say?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fondle the bondle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor wanking, and there's a reason i don't write smut
> 
> i'll be more mature when i write the major sexy times, i swear :)
> 
> as it is josh says this is what happens when lesbians try to write *gestures towards screen* that
> 
> also do you like new username idk if i should change it back or keep it as toadlet
> 
> and i'mm posting this today because i finished it and imma try to keep the daily shit and yes i know how bad at this imma be but it goes up when it's done so there we go
> 
> hopefully it'll stay at least twice a week and i won't cut off halfway through because i got bored/unmotivated

Dan had the entirety of his miniscule cell memorised by the third hour being there. It was nearing late evening, going by the light shining in through the window, and good lord Dan was  _ bored.  _ So he paced around the cell some more, then collapsed on the small and decidedly not comfortable bed and tried to sleep.

 

He was interrupted by one of the policemen shoving a tray of questionable semi-solid pastes and a plastic spoon past the door and then slamming it.

 

Dan could hear the bastard snickering as he walked away.

 

Goddamn the fucker, he was trying to sleep. Probably why he did it. Dan curled farther into the thin and lumpy mattress and pretended to sleep.

 

The sun set, but not after spending an abnormally long amount of time glaring right through Dan’s eyelids. He was really quite done with this. And it hadn’t even been twenty four hours- Dan was fucking doomed.

 

Fucking Anderson.

 

Dan rolled over again. The grey mush was still sitting by the door, unfortunately. Dan really wasn’t hungry.

 

It was nearing midnight when Dan dozed off.

 

And woke up again.

 

Fucking bed.

 

Dan stood up and paced some more. 

 

Then flopped on his back on the bed, trying not to cringe at the violent shriek he elicited from the bed springs. 

  
  


And fuck if he wasn’t about ready to file through the window with his nails.

 

Dan tossed and turned on the bed, eventually flopping onto his back and letting his arm dangle off the edge.

 

Then pulled it back and rested it on his stomach. Can’t be sure what’s hiding under the bed, after all.

 

Dan cringed at himself. He wasn’t going to get sleep anytime soon, he might as well.

 

He let his hand slip under the edge of his pants, caressing his tender flesh like it was the soul of his long dead grandmother.

 

He pulled up, letting his granny dick fuck his hand.

 

He was just on the brink of finishing himself off when he heard Phil’s voice.

 

“ Psst… Dan… I’m hear to break you out.” Dan groaned, half in annoyance that  _ this  _ was when Phil decided to break him out, half because he was  _ so damn close.  _

 

“ Phil, goddammit, I’m having a wank.” Dan heard Phil snort, but it was a bit buzzy when he finally unloaded on his hand. 

 

“ Sorry. I’ll come back later, shall I?” 

 

“ Fucking- How do you even plan on getting me out?”

 

The sound of wire cutters hacking through the chain fencing that was the front of his cell had Dan wiping his nasty hand on the cheap bed with intensified vigor, zipping his pants up with the other. 

 

“ Like this.” The clang of the metal was really quite loud.

 

Dan hopped off the bed and strode to join Phil in freedom. 

 

“ And now what, captain Escapey-pants?”

 

“ And now we run.” Phil slung the clippers over his shoulder and sauntered towards the front door.

 

Forgetting it was glass.

 

And running into it.

 

“ Pfft. You spoon.” Dan smirked at the pouting man in front of him. “Try opening it before you run into this time, yeah?”

 

Phil rolled his eyes, but pushed it open and held it for Dan. 

 

The moonlight was beautiful, and Dan drank it in like he was drowning. 

  
His grandmum would be proud.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's not my best but 'ere ye go

Phil led the way from the constable’s office to the nondescript silver sedan. It didn’t have much in it besides a black bag in the back and what looked like a bunch of rope, and, much to Dan’s amusement, it turned out to be rope Phil filched from Dan’s apartment.

 

“ Phil? Why do you have my rope?” Phil pinked, and it was adorable.

 

“ We might need it.”

 

“ We could’ve bought some somewhere else.”

 

“ It was free.”

 

“ We’re on the run.”

 

“ Fine, it was the only thing of yours I could get out of your apartment.”

 

“ You’re adorable.” Dan grinned at the shocked and aghast look Phil shot him. The pulled out of the parking lot, and Phil turned the car to the south.

 

“ I am most certainly not, thanks.”

 

The manly snicker from Dan’s side of the car definitely wasn’t disagreeing. Not. At. All. Phil rolled his eyes and violently swerved the car, reveling in the shriek Dan let out.

 

“ What was that for?!”

 

“ I am the manliest of men.” Phil chuckled.

 

“ Aren’t we all, sunshine. Aren’t we all.” Dan put his hands behind his head and relaxed into the seat. “So... Phil… care to enlighten me why you broke me out of jail? Not that I’m not grateful, but…” He trailed off, taking in the tension suddenly radiating from Phil.

 

“ James Daniel Howell. Twenty seven. Supporting an ex-wife and hospitalized father. Was working three jobs.” Dan froze. “You don’t deserve twenty five years in prison, Dan. You’re trying to help people that matter to you.”

 

“ And how is being on the run any better?”

 

“ At least now you can still support them.” Phil hoped the palpable silence was a good one, and not a resentful silence.

 

“ I suppoooose…” Dan crossed his arms and pulled an exaggerated pout.

 

Phil laughed at the toddler sitting next to him. It was going to be a long drive, but he’d be spending it with the kid who kidnapped people to help, not to harm.

 

That was going to be an experience.

 

“ So, Dan, tell me about yourself.”

 

“ What’s there to know? You know most of my stuff so here can’t be much else.”

 

“ I mean like bands and your opinion on plants, you spoon. I know the generic stuff.”

 

“ Oh. Um.” Dan rested his elbows on his knees and turned to consider his driver. “I guess I’m fine with plants? They just are, if you know what I mean.”

 

Phil scrunched up his nose. Too fucking cute, goddammit.

 

“ They just  _ are? _ They don’t, like, fascinate you, in any way?” 

 

“ Not really.” Phil could hear the smile in Dan’s voice.

 

“ How does that work?”

 

“ I don’t know, Phil. But I think you like plants enough for the both of us.” Dan was grinning brightly when Phil glanced over at him.

 

Dan didn’t miss the little smile curving Phil’s(beautiful) lips.

 

“ That might be true, you know. I almost went into botany, but one of my friends roped me into attending a seminar with her and now here we are.”

 

“ Huh. Funny, I almost went into law but my mum said that was a terrible idea and forced me into a business degree. And now look at where we are.” Phil giggled. He didn’t mean to, but let’s be honest, it was a pretty funny situation. Two adult men on the run from the authorities because they made bad career choices. 

 

Dan was a little taken by surprise at the snort and muffled giggles, but he soon joined in when Phil’s little giggles got uncontrollable. 

 

Phil kept driving, heading towards the Norwich Airport. Hopefully they would get there before the authorities set out a patrol for two adult males on the run, but Phil had taken all the precautions he could and it was unlikely they would set out something until late the next morning. They were good for a bit. 

 

Dan’s giggled faded off with a contented sigh, and it soon drifted into light snores. Phil smiled endearingly at the ball of asleep dork next to him.

 

When Dan woke up, it was to a mussed Phil with absolutely stunning glasses trying to shake him up and out of the car.

 

“ Dan, Dan, come on. We’re gonna miss our flight. Let’s go.

  
“ We’re going to Florida.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got my hair cut and it's shaved on the sides and i'm dying its so amazing accckkkkk and now i can become sokka yes


	14. Chapter 14

Phil did most of the talking, smiling winningly at the flight attendants and dragging Dan along by the hand. Dan didn’t mind, sending a soft smirk at their entwined hands.

 

When did he fall for his hostage negotiator?

 

When did he start caring?

 

At some point, Phil had obtained a suitcase of Dan’s clothes and a suitcase of his own for the trip to Florida.  Dan smiled down at the rolling suitcase he had with him, over packed and bulging slightly. Phil had a suitcase, as well, but it was more efficiently packed and less… explode-y. 

 

Boarding the flight would be easy for Dan, getting past security, not so much. Phil made sure that he and Dan ducked, weaved and dashed through the crowd of people headed off on their holidays. Lucky bastards. 

 

Dan bit his lip gently, the anxiety in his chest growing as they approached the security desk. Phil squeezed Dan’s hand. “Keep your head down the best you can.” he mumbled before splitting, putting his suitcase on the conveyer belt and taking his shoes off. Dan did the same on the second metal detector, getting through with little to no hassle. 

 

As soon as Dan and Phil were situated again, Phil took a hold of Dan’s hand and pulled him toward their gate. 

 

“We’re late.” he said in attempt to excuse his excessively tight grip on Dan’s hand.

 

“Naturally.” Dan replied, hastily tossing his boarding ticket to the attendant near the gate and slipping through the door. 

 

The hollow sound of their feet on the jet bridge’s floor made Dan uneasy, his grip tightening on Phil’s hand. He wasn’t even sure it was possible, but it was. To the left of him, Dan noticed Phil flinch, but he said nothing. As soon as they were on the plane itself, Dan loosened up. 

 

“Sorry.” was all he mumbled before heading off to his seat. He had no idea how he was going to survive an eight hour flight in this cramped thing. And this was supposed to be easier than a boat. At least on a boat he would have room for his legs. 

 

Still, he chose the window seat, taking note of how Phil hesitated when they got to their row. 

 

“You don’t have to-” Phil started, but someone a few rows back shouted at them to get moving. Phil hastily shoved their luggage into the overhead carrier and took his seat beside Dan. 

 

“Some people…” Dan mumbled, shaking his head and shooting daggers at the man who’d shouted at Phil. 

 

Why did he care so much if someone was rude to him? It’s not like Phil was anything special. Right? 

 

Phil rested back against the seat, only moving when the seatbelt light came on above them. As the plane started moving, Dan’s shoulder brushed his, and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw him tense, gripping the armrest. Phil reached over and took Dan’s hand once again, thumb brushing over the back of it. 

 

Phil felt Dan relax beside him, and Phil smiled. 

 

\--

 

Eight hours down, twenty minutes to go. Dan leaned back in his seat, letting his head rest on top of Phil’s. Phil had fallen asleep on Dan’s shoulder fours hours into the flight, and Dan let him. He’d made sure that Phil was comfortable, refusing to let his head roll off his shoulder. 

 

The seat belt light flashed on five minutes before landing. Dan quickly did Phil’s and then his own, checking to make sure that Phil was still asleep. He was.

 

\--

 

Phil’s face was so close. Dan could feel his breath blowing up to the side of his neck. God, his face was so close. Just a little further…just a lean down a little…it would be so easy. Dan began to lean down, his lips hovering just above Phil’s own before the familiar screech of the wheels on the runway made him flinch back. 

 

Phil stirred, shifting to a sitting up position. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, stretching the best he could. “Are we there yet?” he asked groggily. 

 

Dan smiled, his face going pink. Phil was absolutely adorable when he was tired. “Yeah, we’re here.” 

 

Phil grinned at Dan. Dan felt his heart speed up slightly. What the hell was Phil becoming to him? His eyes flickered down to Phil’s lips again. 

 

\--

 

Getting their luggage was easier than getting off the actual plane. Dan and Phil held their suitcases over their heads as they walked down the narrow aisle of the plane, only dropping them when they stepped onto the jet bridge. 

 

Dan sped up, making sure to get off the plane as quickly and quietly as possible. Phil trailed behind him, nodding politely to other people as they walked. 

 

“Wait up.” Phil hissed at Dan. Dan slowed down once he was outside the jet bridge, coming to an abrupt stop when a few kids ran in front of him. Phil slammed straight into Dan’s back, causing Dan to stumble. Phil caught him before he fell, arms wrapping around his waist. Dan looked up at him and blushed. Phil’s lips were just inches from his. Dan leaned in, and so did Phil. Just as they were about to kiss, someone interrupted. 

 

“Excuse me, could you tell me how to get here?” asked a woman, pointing to a spot on her map. 

 

“We’re not locals.” Phil replied, his tone taking on that of agitation. Dan smirked. It was good to know that Phil was just as annoyed as he was. 

  
He’d kiss Phil. Maybe not today, but he would. He had his heart set on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to all you incredibly observant peoples out there; WBH and i had the greatest idea of switching our main fics atm for a chapter so this one was written by josh, not me, that's why it's different/slightly off/helluva lot longer than my usual short as fuck chapters :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i am so sorry this is so late
> 
> but it's like three pages
> 
> love me pls

At some point Phil intertwined their fingers to make it easier to pull Dan through the crowd. He hailed a cab, spouted out the name and address of their hotel, and that was about when Dan stopped thinking and just fell asleep on top of Phil.

 

Phil didn’t mind, simply re-arranging Dan more comfortably on his shoulder. The cabbie leered at him through the back mirror when Phil finally looked up from the sleeping angel beside him.

 

“You two are pretty cute, gotta say. How long ‘ave you been fuckin’ him?” Phil was thoroughly put off and annoyed by the invasive question, opting to stare at Dan and ignore the man instead of answering. “Hey. Pay attention to me.” The cabbie’s grimace of a smile dropped when Phil didn’t answer. He swerved the car, and Phil clutched Dan closer to avoid waking him up. 

 

“ Leave him alone.” Dan’s voice was mussed with sleep, but the glare he was sending at the(frankly awful) cabbie was lethal. The cabbie sneered, but turned back to the road. Phil sent a glance down at the brown-haired boy next to him, the arms wrapping around his waist not going unnoticed. Dan smiled and turned his face back into Phil’s side. Phil rubbed a hand up and down Dan’s back, lulling him back into a restful sleep.

 

Phil gently shook Dan, rousing him and dragging him out of the cab. The hotel they were parked outside of was a slightly ramshackle thing, the sign in fron flickering and out of date and the pain flecking off the corners. They dragged their baggage out of the boot of the taxicab, throwing the scantest tip possible at the cabbie.

 

Dan was more awake by the time Phil had convinced the man at the desk that yes, he did have a reservation, no look right there- Phil Striker and James Stacks, that’s us, sir I called ahead, can I just go up to my room now?

 

Dan smirked at Phil after the clerk squinted at the records a bit longer, then sequestered the keys to Phil's waiting hand. Phil stuffed the keys in his pocket and started dragging his suitcase across the lobby, pressing the button for the elevator and slumping slightly while he waited for Dan to lug his bag over. Phil looked just as exhausted as Dan felt, but smiled slightly at dan.

 

Dan really didn’t like the fact that Phil was growing more and more attractive every minute Dan spent with him.

 

“ Are you doing alright?”

 

“ Well, I’m not dead. How are you?” Dan smiled ruefully at Phil. 

 

“ Equally not dead.” The elevator doors opened with an unpleasant shrieking noise, making Dan wince and Phil grit his teeth.

 

But they wouldn’t be looked for in a shoddy road-side hotel like this.

 

They’d be fine for a bit.

 

Their room only had one bed, a rickety queen sized. Phil turned to Dan.

 

“ I can sleep on the floor, if you want?” Dan chuckled at how the tips of Phil’s ears went pink, but he shook his head at the offer.

 

“ Nah, we’re both big boys. We’ll be fine.” Phil nodded and swallowed, turning to put his bag at the foot of the bed and use the loo. Dan kicked his bag under the sketchy dask by the door and took two strides to flop on the bed face-first.

 

Wasn’t the least comfortable thing, but it wasn’t the greatest. 

 

Phil scrubbed his hands vehemently, trying to rid himself of the smell from the bathroom. He turned around and had to smile at Dan, who was spread out along the entirety of the bed and snoring slightly. Room service, them. Phil plucked the phone off of its cradle, dialing for the food to be brought to them. 

 

In the few minutes before the kid brought up their food, Phil had pulled a spare blanket down from the closet shelf and threw it over Dan. Dan curled up and smiled in his sleep. Phil’s heart melted. 

 

The knock at the door startled Phil, but thankfully didn’t wake Dan up. The food was plonked down on the desk, the desk held still because it  _ should not be shaking like that oh no _ and Dan woken by gracefully shoving him off the bed.

 

Dan shrieked and scrambled to clutch the blanket, landing on the floor with a thud. He turned a wide eyed and slightly terrified glare on Phil, who was holding onto the edge of the wobbly desk for support from laughing so hard.

 

“ Phil, you shit.” Phil doubled over, laughing even harder. “ I can’t believe you.” Dan pouted, but he had a smile spreading across his face as well.

 

“ Th-that-” Phil scrubbed at his face, trying to calm himself. “ That was  _ amazing _ . Your  _ face-”  _ Phil’s (not adorable, Dan stop that, imagine dead puppies) breathy laugh made Dan’s little smile break into a full-on grin. 

 

“ Oh my god, you spoon.” Dan rolled his eyes, but he perked up a bit. “ Is that food I smell?”

 

Phil finally got himself under control and nodded, pointing to the covered dish on the desk.

 

“ Yeah, I ordered some pancakes.” Dan turned to look out the window at the setting sun and turned an incredulous look back to Phil.

 

“ Pancakes.” Dan unwrapped himself from the blanket, staggering to his feet and chucking the wool blanket onto the flowered quilt covering the bed.

 

“ Absolutely. Do you want one?” While Dan surged up from the ground like a surfacing whale, Phil had turned his attentions back to the desk and the food.

 

“ Sure, why not.” Phil lifted the lid with a flourish, proclaiming ‘ta-da!’ in his most american voice.

 

“ They’re blueberry!” Dan smiled at the six foot man-child standing in front of him.

 

They got through the pancakes with record speed, the flight having sapped their energy. Phil told Dan his ‘amazing’ plan for escape.

 

It was incredibly simple, in theory. Make a new identity, fake their deaths, live life here in the states.

 

Dan nearly choked on his pancake.

 

“  _ That’s  _ your plan? Phil, how do you plan to forge the documents?” Phil pouted at Dan.

 

“ You forget I worked in government.” Dan tilted his head questioningly. “ I know how to forge documents properly.”

 

“ Right, so how are we going to do that?” Dan was slightly more convinced, but not much. It really wasn’t helped by Phil shrugging and smiling innocently.

 

“ I’ve already got started, don’t worry.” 

 

“ Phil, that’s not reassuring!” Phil chuckled and went back to his pancakes.

 

The squabbled over who got which side of the bed, Dan eventually huffing and just flopping on the left side and pretending to sleep. Phils indignant squawk was well worth it.

 

After all the lights were out and Dan seemed actually asleep, Phil was still awake and pondering his feelings towards Dan. More than platonic, certainly. Phil rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow. It was too fucking late for this kind of shit, but nooo, his brain was up and playing out all the scenarios involving ‘Dan’, ‘beds’ and ‘Phil’. Fuck. Phil rolled back onto his back, trying to clear his mind and sleep. 

 

Dan woke up when he realised he was uncomfortably warm, and the reason was because Phil had wound himself completely around Dan’s torso and was quite asleep. Dan wormed one of his arms out of Phil’s grip to push his hobbit hair out of his eyes and smile down at Phil. He let his arm settle around the black-haired man’s shoulders, rubbing little patterns against the side of his arm.

 

The next morning was interesting. Phil woke up completely curled around Dan, and Dan snoring into his hair Phil smiled into Dan’s chest, letting the rhythm of Dan’s breath lull him back into a doze. Dan stirred to find Phil still on top of him, and that he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would.

 

Or as much as he did when Samantha used to do that.

 

Dan grinned into the mussy black hair his face was pressed into and hoped that he could just keep this moment here for a little longer. Phil started to wake up, and Dan loosened his arms a little.

 

Phil turned his head up to see those intense brown eyes looking at him.

 

Made him feel special, if he was being honest. Like that heated gaze was just for him.

 

Phil tilted his head slightly, giving Dan time to back away, but he didn’t.

 

Dan’s eyes fluttered closed when Phil’s lips met his.

 

Too long, he had been waiting. 

 

Phil gasped slightly when Dan pushed against his lips, and then suddenly  _ Dan.  _

 

And that was all Phil wanted in life.

 

Just Dan.

 

Always Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK YES I GOT THIS DONE
> 
> THE ENDING IS SHODDY
> 
> BUT I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT
> 
> SO HERE WE ARE
> 
> i think this is gonna end in the next few chapters? idk we'll see
> 
> (comments still make my life better pls tell me how bad of a writer i am or how fantastic the vocabulary was no matter what all comments are life and ily all)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MY CHILD IS LEAVING ME
> 
> aka this is the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a really sappy end note but then i remembered the beginning was pure crack so hi yes this is why i dont write smut ever

Dan thrust against Phil, letting his grandmother’s soul lead him into this glorious frottage. Phil groaned underneath him, his hand halfway into Dan’s arse and his dick halfway inside Dan’s. The smell of their sweet love permeated the room, curdling the water in the tap and opening the windows with a bang. 

 

“ Oh.. Phil... “ Dan gasped and panted. He could hear his grandmother egging him on, telling him to do what he wanted to do most. Dan pulled in a breath. “ AMAAAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOOOUND,” Phil groaned louder when Dan started singing. His pleasure was about to burst with the strength of a thousand grandfathers. “THAT SAAAAAVED A WRETCH LIKE MEEEEE...” Dan gasped and let his grandmother dick pleasure him.   
  
Phil died a little inside when Dan orgasmed. He was so beautiful, Phil couldn’t help but follow. His grandfather semen flew across the room and repaired the desk, leaving a sticky remnant. 

 

They cleaned up after an undetermined amount of time laying on the bed and panting. Phil held Dan close, before dragging him off to the shower to rid them of their grandparent sperm. They giggled at eachother, Phil pushing Dan’s hobbit hair out of his eyes and kissing the proffered pout.

 

“ You’re adorable, y’know that?” Phil smiled at the slightly taller boy.

 

“ You are too, Phil.” Dan started to sensually massage shampoo into Phil’s scalp. Phil scrunched up his face like a small child.   
  


“ I’m not cute, I’m fierce!” 

 

“ You keep believing that, little lion.” Phil stuck out his bottom lip and scooped off some of the foam running down his body to throw at Dan.

 

Dan spluttered, sending a good-natured glare at Phil. He dumped some of the cheap hotel shampoo into his hands and scrubbed them together until he had a handful of bubbles to throw in return. And then commenced a foam war that lasted approximately ten minutes of muffled shrieks and raucous laughter.    
  
When the pair of them stumbled out of the shower, pink and still chuckling, Dan had the wondrous realisation that Phil had packed him  _ coloured  _ clothing.Coloured. Not black, like Dan’s usual attire, but a variety of reds, blues, and pastels pinks. 

 

“ Phil?”

 

“ Yeah, Dan?”

 

“ Did you happen to pack anything black?”

 

“ I think there’s a black sock in there somewhere.” Dan turned an astonished glare on Phil.

 

“ But, but, but  _ black _ .”    
  
“ What about it?”

 

“ I  _ always  _ wear black!” Phil raised an eyebrow.

 

“ That’s why I packed something colourful. It’ll help us blend in until you force your way into a store and buy everything black in there.” Dan turned pink.

 

“ I, but-”

 

“ Dan. Just put the clothes on. I have a surprise outside for us.” Dan pouted, but pulled his trousers on and then donned the darkest shirt in his ill-packed bag. It was a red plaid, one that Dan was sure he’d never seen before.   
  
Phil smirked at him. Dan had managed to find the one shirt of Phil’s that he had snuck into Dan’s baggage. And he would never tell Dan he just wanted to see him in something bright. His story about blending in? Complete bullshit. 

 

Good thing he’d never tell Dan that.

 

Phil lead Dan outside, the sun just reaching it’s zenith and one of the shadier hotel residents puffing on a cigarette. The parking lot was nearly empty, aside from a run-down subaru and a secondhand RV. Dan squinted against the light. Damned sunlight. His eyes roved around the parking lot, not giving anything a second glance and finally turning with an impatient huff. 

 

“ Phil, care to tell me what this big surprise is?” Phil grinned.

 

“ Absolutely.” He lead the way to the RV, pulling the set of keys out of an envelope. “ Welcome to our new home on the road!” He unlocked the thing with a flourish.

 

“ Say what.” Dan blinked, but other than that his face remained impassive.

 

“ Ta-dah? Come on, Dan. I got us an RV so we’d be harder to find!” Dan finally broke a small smile at the bean in front of him. 

 

It took the better part of an hour to pack up, and then stop by a gas station (“No tesco's? How dare they!”) to pick up some basic food supplies.

 

Phil took the wheel first, while Dan struggled with the map. 

 

“ I think we should head towards California.”

 

“ Why California?” 

 

“ Why not?” 

 

The pair bickered a little longer, while the sun began to set.

 

“ To the west, then!”

 

“ Phil, you spoon, we’re heading north.” But his voice was tinged with amusement as they drove off to begin their new life of running and making love under the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD THIS WAS AN ADVENTURE
> 
> Okay so first off-
> 
> this is the end. ze finale. i have nothing else to give to this story. (i'm actually quite sad about it, this fic is my child.)
> 
> warning; sappy author alert
> 
> okay i love all of you
> 
> whether you left kudos, commented, or even just looked at it and didn't immediately hate it, i love you and you lot made my day for weeks. every time i got an email that someone commented, or there were kudos, i swear to god it was magical. (i'm a sappy lil shit but i really honestly do adore all of you)
> 
> this fic was one of the best learning experiences, one of the few projects i cared enough to finish without having a four month hiatus between chapters(sorry). i got support from a lot of people and honestly i could not be any more sappy rn could i 
> 
> but yes
> 
> i love you all
> 
> i would mention explicet names but that would take too long bc there are so many of you
> 
> ily
> 
> -toadlet

**Author's Note:**

> IT EXISTSSSS AND IM WRITING AGAIN
> 
> i am so sorryyyy my posting schedule is
> 
> nonexistant
> 
> ily have a good day  
> (my tumblr's how-does-one-become-cat and yes i know it's shitty and awful)
> 
> (you all should tell me how bad at life-ing i am in the comments)


End file.
